la musique ;
Thursday, July 24, 2008 @ 7/24/2008 06:59:00 PM
The journey back home always leave me to ponder about the journey i've walked. Although i should have used the time wisely to read up but i like to think, and let my mind run wild. What am i actually doing? I hate it when people USE me. not saying that i expect a return from people, but at least appreciate it or at least, show it. Humans are selfish? i dont know if its true. although i've seen quite a number of real life examples already.
A level's just 3 months odd away, and i'm troubled with the issue of my mind. What is it that my mind actually want? I use music to hide my emotions. Although i may not show it out right on my face, but, somehow i use the power of music to express my emotions. There's this song, which i haven played for years. And its only out when something grave happens. Today, somehow it appeared on my mind. Not that i'm sad or emo, but just a complex feeling that i cant understand why i have it in the first place. Probably its a mixture and combination of many many feelings, such that i cant identify it.
I thought i could go away with it and have a new way of life. However, i think its just like shift of the demand curve. Its still there, just in another form. Another part of me wants to totally eradicate this demand curve and place it in another market structure 2 years later. but, can i? I dont wanna be the emotionless, cold, loner kind of person. Or am I just dreaming of something that might never happen? Talking to people around me made me found out, who i actually am, what i'm actually made up of. I'm a confident man, with nothing to be confident about.
Depend on GOD? I'm impatient and usually i want the answers quick and sharp. I dont really care if its mean or what. It cant be helped, but memories of the past turned back at me. I'm sure there's more than that 1 fool that did it. Probably just that not all fools spoke up , showed it, or told me such that in my consicious mind i recognise it and identified it. Found a solution to it and then have a resolution. But what's the problem? I dont actually see any problem. Its just want or not. rather than Can or Not. Rather true, but i dont really know how to solve it.
Pressure is harsh. With 3 months To A s. I've got nothing much uploaded into my brains still. studying hard now, still cannot guarantee me 4 As. 2 As max. I've no idea what i was thinking of the past 2 years. Now that i know what i want, i want to work hard to it. probably its a little too late, but it doesnt mean that its impossible, because i haven checked it out exactly. How am i supposed to survive in the society when my own mind cannot accept what my actions are doing.
Today, a jap band came to mj to perform. ZAI! i knew it wasnt MJ band. nvr gonna be up to that standard. Heard some news from perfect. doesnt sound good huh. lessons were ok. had an arguement with dog. over a piece of paper? erm. doesnt sound logical, but yea, thats what dog did. I was on the verge of fighting when he said something that made me guilty. if he hadnt said that, probably i'll be in trouble now. i realised i've got 282 hours of CIP.
yesterday Mr pats, said i'm smart. its true to a certain extent la. so he made me promise him to get a C at least for prelims. he's one of the few teachers that thinks i'm smart. very few. days be4 wed wasnt that fantastic afterall.
i only knew one thing. its not that feasible afterall.
Bittersweet Symphony
LE PROFIL
Jason Ng
021290
Monfort Junior School
Maris Stella High School
Meridian Junior College
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